That Perfect Baby Name

Babies are the world’s most precious asset; they are our future. Babies are sweet, cuddly, adorable, and completely innocent. When we look into a newborn’s little eyes, we see the remarkable gift God has given us. We are overwhelmed with a love that we never knew we could feel. Most mothers and fathers look at their baby and want to give him or her a perfect life, a storybook life. They want their child to have everything that they never had. This baby symbolizes all of their hopes and dreams. Yes, parents love their newborns, but why oh why do so many parents virtually ruin their child’s life before it actually begins by giving their newborn the wrong name.

In early times, naming a baby was simple. Most babies were named for someone in the family. Names rarely went out of fashion so babies were not marked for life by being named for a family member. In the last century naming a child has become more difficult. You can name your child for a family member and blight the poor child forever.

I know I am dating myself, but I can’t resist telling this story even if it was the bane of my existence when I was a kid. I was named for my two Grandmothers. I was named Helen Frances but called Frances. Before you say, “Frances, the Talking Mule,” you are risking dating yourself. That name followed me most of my childhood until those silly movies were no longer shown. When I complained to my mother, she said my name could have been worse; my grandmothers were named Helen Mae and Effie Frances. As you can see, I could have been called Effie Mae and been ridiculed even more.

Have you ever noticed in recent years that movie stars not only give their children a proclivity towards substance abuse, difficult lives, and too much money, they also give them unbelievably old-fashioned names? Now some of the names are simply really old-fashioned like Matilda, Ava, Homer, or Aaron. At first glance, these names don’t seem overly weird, but put these kids in a room with Jennifer, Holden, Brad, or Trey. You get the picture. I can only hope these babies turn into incredibly stable, attractive teenagers or they are doomed.

Then there are the celebrities who totally doom their children with absurdly weird names. Again, I date myself but remember when you heard that Sonny and Cher were naming their first born Chastity. I thought poor child; she’ll never live down that name. I hope she has because her life is chaotic enough without having people make fun of her name.

Maybe Sonny and Cher started the trend because many of today’s stars cannot resist giving their progeny “unique” names. Case in point, the beautiful and elegantly named Gwyneth Paltrow stuck her precious child with the name Apple because she was the apple of her eye. Please! Do you have any idea how many stupid jokes other children can make of the name Apple?

One of my favorite actresses is Courtney Cox. I watched and prayed for her as she tried valiantly to have a baby. I was overjoyed when she finally had a beautiful daughter. She named that precious girl Coco. What was she thinking? I know Coco Chanel was one of the greatest designers in the world, but kids don’t care. They will be finding ways to torture that little girl with her name starting in pre-school. Just a sampling of some other celebrity children’s names are Camera, Scout, Moxie CrimeFighter, Heaven, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily, Poppy Honey, and Daisy Boo. I swear I am not kidding. In my research I actually found these names for our most precious resource, babies.

As you can see, you must work very hard to give your child the right name so as not to hinder his bright future. When you come up with a name, try to make a joke with the name. Try to see if it rhymes with any silly words like Skinny Minnie or Chad the Cad. I think you are getting the picture. If you can make a joke with the name, everyone else will be able to do the same.

Try very hard not to choose names that are spelled weird like Genifer for Jennifer or Gale for Gail. You will confuse people and they will never spell your child’s name correctly. Now if you choose a very odd name like Pajama, yes, this really happened, you will make the first day of school every year a delightfully embarrassing moment for your child. She will not thank you for her special name. Take Female; again yes, I saw this name. Of course, it was not pronounced like the word; the accent was on a different part of the word. But the weirdness of the name was a gift that just kept giving.

Ethnic names are very popular and have been for many years. There is nothing wrong with ethnic names except no one can spell them or pronounce them. Your child will be spelling the name for people the rest of his or her life. Again the gift goes on and on.

Naming your child after a famous person is also popular. Remember Roots. I met several very nice children named Kunta Kinte. At least most people at the time understood the name. I read a name in the paper that certainly dated the mother; the child was named Elvis Presley Smith. Before naming your child after a famous person, try to pick one that won’t embarrass your child in later years.

Giving your child the perfect baby name is your duty as a parent. That’s a lot of pressure, but rest assured that whatever name you give your precious baby, he or she more than likely will hate the name and blame you for it. Just do your best and remember the name is a life sentence, good or bad.

Frances Coleman


Latest News:

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Russell Crowe's two-year-old son Charlie has already decided what his baby brother should be called. The actor has revealed he and wife Danielle's unborn baby is a second boy, and they've asked their son for names.

Crowe's son names his brother (WENN via Yahoo! UK & Ireland News)
Russell Crowe's two-year-old son Charlie has already decided what his baby brother should be called.

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